Much Better Off Dead
by The 11th Artist
Summary: BtVSEvil Dead. Angelus, Dru and Spike aquire the Book of the Dead, with plans to raise an army of Deadites and unleash them on Sunnydale. But, while they're preparing their latest game for the Slayer, someone drops in on the Scoobies.
1. Arrival

Disclaimer: I don't own nothin', which is why I live how and where I do. All characters belong to their respective creators and, or, their distributing studios, as the case may be. A more detailed description will will appear in the next chapter.

On with the show….

Much Better Off Dead.

Rupert Giles, high school librarian and Watcher, threw the book he'd been reading down on the table in frustration.

"Bunch of useless piffil!"

Buffy and Willow stared at the older man in shock.

"What?" he asked.

"You called a book useless! A-and _piffil_!" Willow exclaimed, wide-eyed.

"So?"

"_So?!"_ Buffy jumped in. "You're book guy! You tout the greatness of the book! No matter how bad things get or what we're up against we can rely on you to find the answers while drinking your tea and saying British things like "quite" and "dear lord"! But if you're all "_useless books"_, then the little bit of comforting consistency we have left is shattered!"

Giles rolled his rolled. "Well, I apologize if my growing frustration is causing you to lose faith in my ability to glean much needed information from these volumes," he said, indicating the pile of books that littered the library's sole table. "but, even I must admit that not _everything_ can be found within their pages.

"And the lack of news about what Spike, Drusilla and Angelus are up to is extremely disconcerting. Are you sure that Willy didn't know more than that it was "some sort of powerful book"?"

"Yes, I'm sure!" she replied, defensively. "I even punched him a couple times."

"So, we're dealing with some sort of evil mojo book…maybe another Moloch scenario?" Xander suggested.

"Perhaps, though I doubt it. Angelus would not rely on another demon to do his work, especially….especially when it comes to Buffy," Giles finished, looking at his Slayer with sad, tired eyes. "He'll want to deal with you, personally."

Buffy cast her own eyes down, suddenly unable to look at her Watcher. She'd been unable to kill her former lover, and so Giles' own love had paid the price when Angel had killed Miss Calendar. She was ready now, however, and swore to herself that she would dust him next time they fought.

The mood in the library had turned somber quickly, so, of course, that was when Cordelia chose to speak up.

"So, if these books aren't going to help us, _why_ am I still here?"

Xander was about to answer with a biting comment, when a small, flickering circle of light appeared above the table, just below the ceiling. The library's six occupants moved away from the table, preparing to either fight or run, as the circle rapidly grew bigger and brighter. Then, with a brilliant flash, a large object appeared at it's center and fell.

Buffy, Xander, Willow, Oz, Giles and Cordelia barely made it out of the way, diving to the floor as the thing smashed down, destroying the table and chairs around it.

As the dust settled, they regained their feet, warily circling the object, unable to believe their eyes.

Oz shoved his hands into his pockets, then said, "Well, at least it wasn't a stretch-limo."


	2. Dazed and Confused

Chapter 2: Dazed and Confused.

"_Well, at least it wasn't a stretch limo."_

The others looked at Oz.

"Just sayin'," he shrugged.

The object, though not a stretch limousine, _was_ a car. A 1973 Oldsmobile Delta Royale, to be exact.

"Ooh, Principal Snyder's _not_ gonna be happy about this," Willow stated.

"Ya _think?_" Xander replied.

Ignoring her friends' banter, Buffy turned to her Watcher. "Um, Giles, why did a car fall from the ceiling?"

"I have no idea. This is most unusual, even for the Hellmouth."

"Well, maybe it's a demon car from some wacky demon car dimension."

"Buffy, really…"

"What? You weren't coming up with anything, and normal cars don't fall from portals which just happen to appear _right_ over the _Hellmouth_!" She pointed out, studying the pale yellow car. "You guys stay back, I'm gonna check it out."

Moving in closer, Buffy peered in through the passenger side…and stopped short.

"Well, maybe we can ask _him_ where it came from," she said, gesturing at the inside of the car.

Ash opened his eyes…and quickly closed them again. Bright light. His head was pounding and his body ached. He let out a groan.

_Did I get drunk last night? Shit, don't remember…oh, God, please let me be home in bed, at least._

"Hey, you! You awake?"

_Who the…female voice. Oh great, must've picked up some broad at whatever bar I was at. Damnit, I really don't wanna deal with some skirt right now._

He brought his hand up and rubbed his face, then tried to sit up.

"About time. I thought Sleeping Beauty was gonna be out all night."

_Wait a minute…that was a different voice. _Another_ girl? Did I have a threeway?_

"Are you alright?"

_OK, that one was a guy. And British, from the sound of it. Fuck, tell me I wasn't _that_ drunk!_

"Hey, rise and shine! Got a few questions."

"Alright already! Give a guy a break, will ya! My heads about to explode and I don't need you screeching in my ear!" Ash exclaimed, his hand over his eyes.

"Oh goody, he's awake _and _verbal. Now for the interrogation."

"Buffy, do be patient. The man could have suffered some rather nasty side-effects going through that portal."

_Buffy? I gotta put up with crap from some bimbo named Buffy? …Did the limey say _portal?

Suddenly everything came flooding back to him: the cabin in the woods, finding the Necronomicon, his sister, his girlfriend and his friends all being killed, and then the portal. The portal that dropped him in the year 1300 A.D. After questing for that era's Necronomicon and battling the Deadites, he'd done as the wiseman said, drunk the potion, said the damn words to get him back home…

His eyes flew open, no longer caring about the light. He frantically looked around, taking in his surroundings. He saw that there was actually six people in the room, instead of just the three who'd spoken. And judging by their clothes and the various electronic devices he could see, he was at least in the right century.

"Quick, what year is it?" he demanded.


	3. The Necronomicon

Notes: Thanks to CriesofCapricorn and Riyana for your reviews. I'll update as quickly as possible, but no guarantees.

OK, a little background…The Necronomicon and the character Ash are from Sam Raimi's _Evil Dead_ movie series, and this story takes place directly after the last one(_Army of Darkness), _but instead of Ash waking up back in his own time and going back to work at S-Mart, he ends up getting sucked up in another portal and dumped on the Hellmouth. As for the Buffy side of things, this takes place shortly after "Passion." And so our story continues.

Chapter 3: The Necronomicon

Spike, Drusilla and Angelus stared at the book lying on the table. Angelus was barely able to control his glee, Dru seemed to be in ecstasy, and Spike was little more than bored.

"So, it's a _book," _Spike drawled. "Sure it'll make a nice topic for discussion when we have guests over, what with the lovely face-skin cover."

Angelus sighed. "Spike, this just so happens to be the Necronomicon Ex Mortis."

"The Book of the Dead," Drusilla nearly sang.

"Right. With it, we can raise an army of Deadites and lay waste to this town."

"OK, so you use the evil boogity-book to get a bunch of Grateful Dead fans to attack Sunnydale. You vile fiend, you." Spike turned his wheel chair away from the table.

"Joke all you want to, Scooter, but this is going to be one hell of a party, and the Slayer is the guest of honor."

"We'll have entrails for streamers and bloody scalps for…" Drusilla trailed off as a look of fear replaced her joy. "Uuuhh! No! No, no, no! He's come to crash our party!"

Angelus looked at her, frowning.

"What is it, Dru? What do you see?"

"A man. One hand is shiny and cold. He follows the book…is connected to it. He can stop it, ruin it all."

"Where is he, Pet?" Spike asked, though he was afraid he already knew the answer.

"With the Slayer," was the answer, and just what he'd guessed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"_Quick, what year is it?" _

"1998," Giles said softly, getting an uneasy feeling.

They were in his office in the library, gathered around the small sofa where they had placed the man from the car. The man who was now awake and asking them questions.

_1998. Seventeen years, _Ash thought to himself, dazed. It was seventeen years ago that he had gone to that cabin in the Tennessee woods with his friends. Something else suddenly occurred to him.

"Where am I?"

"Sunnydale. California."

"_California? _What the hell am I doing in California? In 1998?"

"How should _we _know?" Buffy asked. "We were just sitting around talking when your car came falling out of the ceiling! We were hoping you could tell us what's going on!"

"My car? It's here, inside?"

"Yeah, it's sitting on the kindling that used to be our table. I don't know how we're how we're gonna explain _that_ one to Principal Snyder. And what's wrong with it being 1998?"

"What?" Ash was confused by the sudden change in topic.

"You asked why you were here in California in 1998. What year is it supposed to be?"

Ash looked around at the group gathered in the small office. He was still a little disoriented, but he was coherent enough to realize that they were taking his falling out of a portal a lot better than normal people would. So, maybe they wouldn't think he was crazy when he told them what he was about to tell them.


End file.
